six

By Sarah Marie - Info Graphics from Sofie

*This article was written by a sp/so 6w7 with 9 and 2 fixes*

Structurally, 6’s are Head-centered, Attachment, Compliant/Superego, and Reactive. In other words, 6’s are preoccupied with uncertainty and unpredictability, their identity is relational, they get their needs met by seeking an external justification for them, and they react to conflict and disappointment with a heightened emotional reaction.

Head Center

6’s are the prototypical Head type, looking for answers that help make existence more calculable and manageable. They swing between the 7’s outward, dispersing curiosity, and the 5’s inward, granular, focused expertise. There’s a tendency to emphasize precise definitions, doubt one’s own conclusions, and to play devil’s advocate in discussions, making sure all sides of an issue are thoroughly examined.

Fear is used as the prime descriptor and motivator of 6, and although accurate, it’s a loaded concept that often clouds type 6’s underlying truth. Everyone can relate to anxiety and existential dread to a certain extent, but the 6 is embodying uncertainty in such a fundamental way that they may not be able to see or articulate this state. The word that I would use is ambivalent. They are a study in paradoxes, calibrators constantly swaying back and forth between two poles and never able to rest in between. They are tirelessly seeking a mythical, Platonic ideal of Truth to rest in, but never finding such perfection in this world. Poetically, perhaps, they feel they are subatomic particles that will become nothing should their constant, frantic mental action ever cease.

Attachment Object Relation

As Attachment types, 6’s actively struggle to balance their role in relation to other people. They want to individuate, but use adaptation in their relationships. A big way that they accomplish this adaptation is something described as pinging. Similar to the video game Pong, 6 bounces from side to side, bumping into others in the process. This motion is another essential part of the 6’s method, as they are doing a sort of sonar to figure out and map their own location in relation to others. 

Many people will note that 6’s have an annoying tendency to seek outside perspectives and support, only to turn around and reject, even actively tear down, those sources; the best way I can describe this is that the resistance and friction continues the endless motion that helps them (ironically) feel safer. To trust in anything completely (including themselves) is dangerous, so they continuously bite the hand that once fed them certainty. This friction might also explain the common concept of phobic and counterphobic 6’s. Phobics are usually described as meek and outwardly frightened, looking for protection and advice, while counterphobics emphasize independence and will lash out an over-do bravado in order to hide or fight their fear. It is my observation, however, that all 6’s have both reactions, although fixes, instincts, and other factors can make an individual prefer one response over the other.

Superego

As Superego or Compliant types, context is king for 6’s. The higher authority that 6’s appeal to for their certainty is not always a person or institution per se, but a cohesive structure or frame of reference. Even if they are Social last, this type senses themselves as connected through a web or matrix, whether that be conceived of as society, religion, nature, or something else. Sometimes these associations can lead to an us vs them tribalism. 

The obsession with rules or “should’s” that many 6’s have is their way of maintaining the integrity of this holistic system. When a 6 is complaining “it’s not fair!,” it’s because they are almost painfully aware of what’s expected, and believe that others not caring about the effect their actions have can unbalance, even destroy, everything else. When taken to an extreme, this can turn into dogmatism and severe black and white thinking. There is also resentment that others can exist without the often painful sensitivity 6’s have for the world around them. How many 6’s have called other types selfish for going after what they want instead of “earning” it? Careless is another common insult, with other types seeming like bulls in the proverbial china shop. This conscientiousness also leads 6’s to emphasize humility and loyalty, rooting for the underdog as so many classic 6 descriptions emphasize. This isn’t to say that 6’s can’t be snobs or leaders, of course, but most are somewhat uncomfortable standing out as such. They act as equalizers, and although they understand and can often enable hierarchy and bureaucracy, ultimately they just seem to want what’s best for the “greater good.”

Reactivity

The final triadic structure describing 6’s is Reactivity. As the Goblins of Discord’s Structural Components section so aptly puts it, “Reactive types are the assholes of the Enneagram when triggered.” Whether conscious or not, a 6’s emotions, both positive and negative, can infectiously fill the room. There is often a perceived whiny quality to 6’s who are facing stress, as unlike Competent or Positive Outlook types, they are verbally and emotionally processing what’s happening instead of immediately jumping into action or re-framing it. This can be easily seen when a 6 wants to complain about an issue and receive validation for their feelings around the problem, but another type either tells them to “look on the bright side, it’s not that bad,” or gives them concrete solutions, both of which feel like they’re ignoring the emotional impact and gravity of the situation. 6’s often seem to be wallowing in despair, pointing out the negative, and “picking” obsessively at things. This can also translate into a scrappiness or courage on behalf of others, since 6’s can see what’s wrong and will feel uncomfortable if they don’t point it out (this is a big tell that someone is a core 6 versus core 9). They are also authentic, as many 6’s don’t have a problem sitting in uncomfortable feelings or being emotionally vulnerable and “real.”

Final Words

I will finish this brief description with an enormous caveat: 6’s are often described as one the most diverse types in the Enneagram (perhaps only exceeded by 9’s). As one of the most common types, this makes sense. There is also an ingrained tendency by 6’s to pick apart descriptions in an effort to feel more individualized. Please note that I am using observations of my own internal experience, along with structural Enneagram triads, to give a rough sketch of 6 motivations. There’s always more to say, and behaviors that result from said motivations can obviously vary.

Like the good 6 that I am, here are my sources:

Other resources: